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entranceway app
Name: Shana.
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effulgent
E-Mail: shananagin @ gmail
IM: aboutblood
Plurk:![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
antivillain
Other Characters: Dipper, Beatrice, Bubblegum
Character Name: Wade “Deadpool” Wilson
Series: Deadpool
Timeline: After cutting off his own hand and falling in a garbage truck
Canon Resource Link: boom
Character History: Deadpool has issues. Many, many issues. According to ComicVine, 1845 issues specifically. That's a whole lot of history to cover, so it's a good thing there's a movie now! Wade Wilson's story starts when-- Uh. Excuse me. Hey, you can't-- what are you--
…
Don't worry, I'm sure Shana's fine. She's doing what I like to call “a surprise nap”. But come on, she was gonna tell it all wrong! Do you really want Shana's version of my history when you can get it straight from the source? Deadpool, the Merc with a Laptop himself? I'm not hearing a no…. probably since no one will see this until it's too late! CONVENIENT.
So like all good stories, mine begins with a girl.
I mean I guess it probably started with my dad knocking my mom up, but who wants to go back that far? Squishy parent boning. Yuck. My childhood was hard. You know how it is. We were dirt poor. Had to pay for food with the rocks we found in the backyard. Mom didn't love me, locked me in a closet every night, sad stuff, sad stuff, left me deeply traumatized, I might be totally lying but hey, anything for those sympathy points, right? What else does this app have going for it?
Eventually I joined Special Forces, went to exotic locales and one really good TGI Friday's, killed a bunch of people, the usual. I had a pretty solid kill count that will be added in here after Shana finishes the movie again DID YOU HEAR THAT SHANA COME BACK AND ADD THAT. Nope, she's out. Oh well, I'll leave a note on her face. Good thing I've got a sharpie in one of my pouches! It was 41. Chris reminded me. Why am I talking to my own history section? Just embrace it. Anywho, It was good times, but after I retired I figured I'd settle for a quieter life. Met my buddy Weasel and a bunch of rowdy mercenary types and started beating up guys that were even worse than me for a living. You know, stalker types. I mostly let them live since… well, kids, you know? They're young and impressionable. Sometimes all it takes is an adult coming in and threatening to rip off their testicles to get them to reform. Plus, I was hot back then. You know they call Ryan Reynolds the sexiest man alive? Aww yeah. That was me.
Also important to note: We had a betting thing going on about who would die first. Called it a Dead Pool. I'm sure that won't be relevant later on. Weasel bet all his money on me biting it.
But then I met the girl. Her name is Vanessa. She is super, super hot. I mean… Morena Baccarin, what do you expect? And hey, she got nerd famous playing a whore! Excuse me, “companion.” But this time she was definitely a hooker, and I definitely paid for her time and she said I could do whatever I wanted so we played skeeball for 45 minutes. It was pretty great. I got a Voltron ring. And then?
We banged.
There was a whole montage.
It was a really, really good year. And it wasn't directly stated but I'm preeetty sure I came around to the pegging part I mean, prostates, am I right?
And then I proposed to her with a ring I may or may not have been hiding up my ass and life was going to be amazing except for the tiiiiny little detail of me having terminal cancer. Kind of a bummer, that one. She was all for trying to make it work but I… didn't want her to see me die. But she kept being all oh Wade I love you anyway we can keep being together don't leave me and women, right? Always opposed to you going off and dying alone.
Luck would have it, that's not exactly what happened. See, this guy…. look, I'll paint a picture: you know that stranger in the nice suit that offers candy to children? Him. It was exactly him. He gave me a card and said what if we could cure your cancer and also make you a superhero! And not one who wears green and has a horrible animated costume, a real one. Sounds too good to be true, right? Right. Actually 100% on the money right. I snuck off to join them cause I had indeed hit fuck it levels of desperation and hey, wasn't like it could possibly be worse than dying, right?
Turns out to make a superhero you inject them with a serum that activates any mutant genes they have in ‘em and then torture the crap out of them til they start having superpowers. FUN. They were under the impression a little bit of round the clock torture would make me lose my sense of humor. Guy named Ajax ran the experiment. He'll be important, so forget his name entirely. He had a friend named Angel who mostly ran the torturing. I figured out pretty quick that Ajax was a SUPER fake name. Who names their kid Ajax? So obviously fake. Like naming your kid “Dipper” or something. And even more, I knew it had to be a dumb name. Hilariously dumb. Surprise? It was! His name is Francis. THAT one you can remember cause that is allll I'm gonna call him for the rest of this history section.
Turns out he didn't like being called Francis all that much and threatened to sew my mouth shut like they did in some Other Movies We Will Not Speak The Name Of but thankfully there was no way the production crew would let that happen again. I mean, the Merc with a Mouth with no mouth? WHO WOULD DARE? I'm talking to you Gavin Hood! So instead he just decided to keep me right at the end of suffocation for an entire weekend without ever allowing me to pass out or something nice like that. Also? He decided to drop the fun bomb and tell me that we weren't gonna be superheroes after all. They were gonna collar me and auction me off as a superslave. Kinky, but come on, without a safeword? Though there still might be a costume I guess. Turned out the oxygen deprivation did the trick and turned me into the sexy testicle-faced wonder I am today. Also gave me a healing factor and improved strength and reflexes. Cured my cancer right up! All I had to sacrifice was being 2010's sexiest man alive. They were about to put me back in but I managed to steal the match from out of Angel's mouth (not through kissing, through headbutting that's important) and light it and get it next to the oxygen thingy and then
BOOM
It's a good thing I can heal from anything, huh? Francis and I had big battle #1 and he managed to keep me from killing him by telling me Francis put a lead bar through my chest and everything burned up really good. But fuck, it wasn't like I could get any uglier at that point.
I crawled my way out of the ashes and found some clothes somewhere, no one wants to
Oh my god help. HELP. There is a heavily armed man with a lot of guns in a Deadpool costume here and he knocked me out and took my laptop and… wrote like half my app? What? That's
Shhh, shhh just nap Shana. Enjoy the soothing scent of chloroform. Where was I? Oh yeah. Stalking my ex! See, Vanessa's a nice girl and I knew she'd miss me, but… I mean, look at me. Everyone else sure did. A lot of screaming, a lot of flinching, a whole lot of staring in horror at the horrible fact that anyone could look like I did and still work in the film industry. I couldn't face her like that! She'd hate me, and that would break my heart in a way no healing factor could handle. So instead I went to my old pal Weasel to get advice. He was pretty disappointed that he lost the Dead Pool and had a whole bunch of unsavory descriptors of my face. Like an avocado that had had sex with an older, uglier avocado. Hate sex. It was pretty bad for my self esteem, you know? He suggested I go after Francis but conceal the fact that I'm dead from him by wearing a mask. A thick one. I don't know what he was implying. So I needed a name, and that Dead Pool thing got me thinking. How about… Deadpool. Has a nice ring to it, huh? A nice… franchisey ring? GO SEE THE MOVIE A FEW MORE TIMES SO I GET A SEQUEL. I'm pretty sure just fondling Wolverine's balls wouldn't be enough to get that one. I might be talking full on blowjobs and it's hard to keep the mask on when you do that and man, my face is a mood ruiner.
So I made a cool costume that was all white and started going on a killing spree. Fun fact, white? Not such a good color for eating spaghetti or murdering the people who work under your nemesis. This old black blind lady told me how to get bloodstains out (lemon juice and vinegar!) and thus began both a beautiful friendship and the most played out joke in the movie. I changed my costume to red so bad guys wouldn't see me bleed and got Blind Al (that's her name) to move in with me. She's like the Robin to my Batman except old, blind, black, and no one wants to see her in scaly green booty shorts. So I murdered pretty much everyone who worked for him shouting WHERE'S FRANCIS and when no one said anything I'd just kill them. Kind of cathartic! But not super helpful. I did kill a guy with a zamboni, though. That's really important and needs to be in this history section.
Finally I got to Mr Child Molester from before and I murdered him pretty hard, which I'm sure was a big relief to all of the school systems he was supposed to stay away from. But first! He gave me the information I needed! WHERE TO FIND FRANCIS AND HOW HARD I COULD MURDER HIM. Just kidding I already knew how hard I could murder him. SUPER hard. Like my dick after I killed three people with one bullet.
Anyway this is actually where the movie starts. I got in a cab and had a great conversation with the driver about love and how he should definitely kidnap his romantic rival. And I gave him a crisp high five in payment! He was a great driver, totally worth it.
Of course, I had to be a dumbass and forget my ammo belt. But that's okay, I had 12 whole bullets in my gun. That's plenty.
What followed was a super badass and bloody fight scene where I killed three people with one bullet and didn't need more than the 12 bullets my gun had in it! Also I made the infamous brown pants joke which is super played out hilarious-- WAIT SHANA when did you wake up? Eh, a while ago, but if you're gonna write my history section I won't stop you. I hate writing these things. Are you gonna share your popcorn? ...will you shoot me if I don't? I mean it's always a risk. But I need you alive so it'll be in the knee or something. ...I love sharing with friends!
So blah blah murder murder GUESS WHO WASN'T IN THE VAN. FRANCIS. FUCKING HELL WHAT DOES A GUY HAVE TO DO TO GET HIS FUCKED UP MUG FIXED AND MURDER AN ASSHOLE? Francis turned out to be on the motorcycle with the one guy who had gotten away but he very nicely came back so I could kick his ass. And kick his ass I did! I stabbed him non-fatally and left him pinned to the side of the road so that I could get him to fucking FIX me which… look it was pretty cruel but not as cruel as it could have been, okay? He doesn't feel pain. Unfortunately. Cause I really wanted to make him feel pain. But before I could split his skull open the only two X-men we could afford on our budget (Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead) showed up because they were all noooo don't murder people, this is not how a hero behaves which, hello? Did I ever say I was a hero? Do not take your kids to this movie I am not a good role model. In arguing morals Francis GOT AWAY and when I tried to beat up Colossus I just kinda broke all my appendages. He's made out of METAL it turns out punching him is not a great idea. He handcuffed me to him but then I went all 127 Days and well, it's in the canon point. I fell into a passing garbage truck where I felt right at home and then--
Oh, come on, you don't really expect me to tell you, do you? Come on, spoiler alert! The flashbacks are like half of it you don't expect me to ruin the other half! Go see the movie so I can rake in the cash and get a sequel!
Abilities/Special Powers: Deadpool can heal from pretty much anything and has enhanced strength and reflexes. He also has the power to make babies start crying just by looking at him and talk in yellow boxes and also the third person. PSYCHE IT'S STILL ME. Oh, the yellow boxes gave it away, huh? Damn….
Oh, and let's not forget my other special power. Or some might call it my mental illness since I'm so brain damaged I think I'm in comic book adaption of a movie. Or one might say, a roleplaying game where I'm taken from a comic book adaption of a movie. But that's crazy, right? WINK. Yep, fourth wall breaking. Gotta love it.
Psst it's Shana again I hope Deadpool doesn't notice me adding in this note while I write the third person sample. If you're worried about Deadpool's fourth wall breaking being too weird and game breaky I promise it shall not be used NEARLY as much as it is in this app. My rule is generally he can only break the fourth wall if it won't actually help him in any way possible and I tend to sprinkle it in lightly, since if I do too much it becomes predictable and played out. He also will never do it in such a way that anyone could even start to believe him.
Third-Person Sample: Wade Wilson rolls out of the garbage truck and looks down at the bleeding stump at the end of his wrist. "Well, a one handed bastard wakes up in Wonderland. Someone has a type." A beat. Wade looks up. Everything is so…. bright and colorful and doesn't smell like pee. "Wait. This isn't my apartment. Why am I in freaking Wonderland? Do I look like a little girl in a blue dress or a smiling cat?"
He shakes his head and starts walking towards the mansion since where else can he go? It's not like he's got a whole lot of options. Boring woods, boring beach, boring garden… all pretty boring. At least the big old mansion probably has someone he can stab for answers, right? Or at least a rag he can use to staunch the blood until his hand goes back. "Or maybe I can find out if that Caterpillar guy really has drugs. I'm pretty sure I've already taken them!"
As he walks, he ponders his situation. On the one hand, this is pretty neat. A strange world, one that he can only dream about what role he has to play. Where the width of the adventure he can-- you see where I'm going with this it's a dreamwidth roleplay he's breaking the fourth wall yadda yadda. Anyway, that part is kind of cool, but the fact was, he is in the middle of a very important murder and though he has been pushed back to square one, he really wants to get back to murdering everyone in his path until he can get Francis to fix his face and murder the shit out of him. Plus, this mansion looks way too much like the X-Mansion for his comfort. "Wonder if they can afford more than two X-Men," he mutters to himself as he approaches the large building. "Maybe they'll even get their hands on an Avenger or two! How much cash would that take?"
He shakes his head and puts his hand on the door handle. "Here it goes, Poolboy. Remember: answers first then murder. Other way around never works as well as you want it to." He squares his shoulders and enters the mansion. Deadpool in Wonderland has begun.
First-Person Sample: WHAT? I just did this! Surely they got the voice from the whole history thing, right? [Deadpool shakes his head, passing the laptop off to the young woman sitting on the bed and scrounging around at the last bits of popcorn. She looks up, surprised, but takes the laptop.]
Look, I've put a lot of work into this app thing, and considering I just made a fucking movie I think I'm being pretty goddamn generous with my time. [Deadpool shakes his head, then raises his gun, pointing it at the woman who yelps and skitters back, eyes wide.] So here's the deal: accept this app or Shana gets a bullet in her brain. You know what that means, don't you? No more Dipper, no more Beatrice, no more Princess fucking Bubblegum. I know you guys have some pretty great CR with her. Do you really want to lose that? And the day before the Gravity Falls finale too! [He shakes his head.] Shame, shame.
Well? Clock's ticking! You've got til…. I don't know, 12:10 on Monday morning I guess? Koji usually doesn't hit these things right on the dot. Better get cracking!
[Shana… me? I? Oh my god the fourth wall needs so much duct tape right now. Shana stares at Deadpool in terror. He waves the gun impatiently.] Come on! That third person sample ain't gonna write itself! And make it vaguely conventional, okay? At this rate they're gonna ban you from the communities for good and where would that leave me? In only one game? Third person! Go! Go!
[A beat.]
Why do we call action spam first person? It's clearly just third person with brackets. Weird.
DW username:
effulgentE-Mail: shananagin @ gmail
IM: aboutblood
Plurk:
Other Characters: Dipper, Beatrice, Bubblegum
Character Name: Wade “Deadpool” Wilson
Series: Deadpool
Timeline: After cutting off his own hand and falling in a garbage truck
Canon Resource Link: boom
Character History: Deadpool has issues. Many, many issues. According to ComicVine, 1845 issues specifically. That's a whole lot of history to cover, so it's a good thing there's a movie now! Wade Wilson's story starts when-- Uh. Excuse me. Hey, you can't-- what are you--
…
Don't worry, I'm sure Shana's fine. She's doing what I like to call “a surprise nap”. But come on, she was gonna tell it all wrong! Do you really want Shana's version of my history when you can get it straight from the source? Deadpool, the Merc with a Laptop himself? I'm not hearing a no…. probably since no one will see this until it's too late! CONVENIENT.
So like all good stories, mine begins with a girl.
I mean I guess it probably started with my dad knocking my mom up, but who wants to go back that far? Squishy parent boning. Yuck. My childhood was hard. You know how it is. We were dirt poor. Had to pay for food with the rocks we found in the backyard. Mom didn't love me, locked me in a closet every night, sad stuff, sad stuff, left me deeply traumatized, I might be totally lying but hey, anything for those sympathy points, right? What else does this app have going for it?
Eventually I joined Special Forces, went to exotic locales and one really good TGI Friday's, killed a bunch of people, the usual. I had a pretty solid kill count that will be added in here after Shana finishes the movie again DID YOU HEAR THAT SHANA COME BACK AND ADD THAT. Nope, she's out. Oh well, I'll leave a note on her face. Good thing I've got a sharpie in one of my pouches! It was 41. Chris reminded me. Why am I talking to my own history section? Just embrace it. Anywho, It was good times, but after I retired I figured I'd settle for a quieter life. Met my buddy Weasel and a bunch of rowdy mercenary types and started beating up guys that were even worse than me for a living. You know, stalker types. I mostly let them live since… well, kids, you know? They're young and impressionable. Sometimes all it takes is an adult coming in and threatening to rip off their testicles to get them to reform. Plus, I was hot back then. You know they call Ryan Reynolds the sexiest man alive? Aww yeah. That was me.
Also important to note: We had a betting thing going on about who would die first. Called it a Dead Pool. I'm sure that won't be relevant later on. Weasel bet all his money on me biting it.
But then I met the girl. Her name is Vanessa. She is super, super hot. I mean… Morena Baccarin, what do you expect? And hey, she got nerd famous playing a whore! Excuse me, “companion.” But this time she was definitely a hooker, and I definitely paid for her time and she said I could do whatever I wanted so we played skeeball for 45 minutes. It was pretty great. I got a Voltron ring. And then?
We banged.
There was a whole montage.
It was a really, really good year. And it wasn't directly stated but I'm preeetty sure I came around to the pegging part I mean, prostates, am I right?
And then I proposed to her with a ring I may or may not have been hiding up my ass and life was going to be amazing except for the tiiiiny little detail of me having terminal cancer. Kind of a bummer, that one. She was all for trying to make it work but I… didn't want her to see me die. But she kept being all oh Wade I love you anyway we can keep being together don't leave me and women, right? Always opposed to you going off and dying alone.
Luck would have it, that's not exactly what happened. See, this guy…. look, I'll paint a picture: you know that stranger in the nice suit that offers candy to children? Him. It was exactly him. He gave me a card and said what if we could cure your cancer and also make you a superhero! And not one who wears green and has a horrible animated costume, a real one. Sounds too good to be true, right? Right. Actually 100% on the money right. I snuck off to join them cause I had indeed hit fuck it levels of desperation and hey, wasn't like it could possibly be worse than dying, right?
Turns out to make a superhero you inject them with a serum that activates any mutant genes they have in ‘em and then torture the crap out of them til they start having superpowers. FUN. They were under the impression a little bit of round the clock torture would make me lose my sense of humor. Guy named Ajax ran the experiment. He'll be important, so forget his name entirely. He had a friend named Angel who mostly ran the torturing. I figured out pretty quick that Ajax was a SUPER fake name. Who names their kid Ajax? So obviously fake. Like naming your kid “Dipper” or something. And even more, I knew it had to be a dumb name. Hilariously dumb. Surprise? It was! His name is Francis. THAT one you can remember cause that is allll I'm gonna call him for the rest of this history section.
Turns out he didn't like being called Francis all that much and threatened to sew my mouth shut like they did in some Other Movies We Will Not Speak The Name Of but thankfully there was no way the production crew would let that happen again. I mean, the Merc with a Mouth with no mouth? WHO WOULD DARE? I'm talking to you Gavin Hood! So instead he just decided to keep me right at the end of suffocation for an entire weekend without ever allowing me to pass out or something nice like that. Also? He decided to drop the fun bomb and tell me that we weren't gonna be superheroes after all. They were gonna collar me and auction me off as a superslave. Kinky, but come on, without a safeword? Though there still might be a costume I guess. Turned out the oxygen deprivation did the trick and turned me into the sexy testicle-faced wonder I am today. Also gave me a healing factor and improved strength and reflexes. Cured my cancer right up! All I had to sacrifice was being 2010's sexiest man alive. They were about to put me back in but I managed to steal the match from out of Angel's mouth (not through kissing, through headbutting that's important) and light it and get it next to the oxygen thingy and then
BOOM
It's a good thing I can heal from anything, huh? Francis and I had big battle #1 and he managed to keep me from killing him by telling me Francis put a lead bar through my chest and everything burned up really good. But fuck, it wasn't like I could get any uglier at that point.
I crawled my way out of the ashes and found some clothes somewhere, no one wants to
Oh my god help. HELP. There is a heavily armed man with a lot of guns in a Deadpool costume here and he knocked me out and took my laptop and… wrote like half my app? What? That's
Shhh, shhh just nap Shana. Enjoy the soothing scent of chloroform. Where was I? Oh yeah. Stalking my ex! See, Vanessa's a nice girl and I knew she'd miss me, but… I mean, look at me. Everyone else sure did. A lot of screaming, a lot of flinching, a whole lot of staring in horror at the horrible fact that anyone could look like I did and still work in the film industry. I couldn't face her like that! She'd hate me, and that would break my heart in a way no healing factor could handle. So instead I went to my old pal Weasel to get advice. He was pretty disappointed that he lost the Dead Pool and had a whole bunch of unsavory descriptors of my face. Like an avocado that had had sex with an older, uglier avocado. Hate sex. It was pretty bad for my self esteem, you know? He suggested I go after Francis but conceal the fact that I'm dead from him by wearing a mask. A thick one. I don't know what he was implying. So I needed a name, and that Dead Pool thing got me thinking. How about… Deadpool. Has a nice ring to it, huh? A nice… franchisey ring? GO SEE THE MOVIE A FEW MORE TIMES SO I GET A SEQUEL. I'm pretty sure just fondling Wolverine's balls wouldn't be enough to get that one. I might be talking full on blowjobs and it's hard to keep the mask on when you do that and man, my face is a mood ruiner.
So I made a cool costume that was all white and started going on a killing spree. Fun fact, white? Not such a good color for eating spaghetti or murdering the people who work under your nemesis. This old black blind lady told me how to get bloodstains out (lemon juice and vinegar!) and thus began both a beautiful friendship and the most played out joke in the movie. I changed my costume to red so bad guys wouldn't see me bleed and got Blind Al (that's her name) to move in with me. She's like the Robin to my Batman except old, blind, black, and no one wants to see her in scaly green booty shorts. So I murdered pretty much everyone who worked for him shouting WHERE'S FRANCIS and when no one said anything I'd just kill them. Kind of cathartic! But not super helpful. I did kill a guy with a zamboni, though. That's really important and needs to be in this history section.
Finally I got to Mr Child Molester from before and I murdered him pretty hard, which I'm sure was a big relief to all of the school systems he was supposed to stay away from. But first! He gave me the information I needed! WHERE TO FIND FRANCIS AND HOW HARD I COULD MURDER HIM. Just kidding I already knew how hard I could murder him. SUPER hard. Like my dick after I killed three people with one bullet.
Anyway this is actually where the movie starts. I got in a cab and had a great conversation with the driver about love and how he should definitely kidnap his romantic rival. And I gave him a crisp high five in payment! He was a great driver, totally worth it.
Of course, I had to be a dumbass and forget my ammo belt. But that's okay, I had 12 whole bullets in my gun. That's plenty.
What followed was a super badass and bloody fight scene where I killed three people with one bullet and didn't need more than the 12 bullets my gun had in it! Also I made the infamous brown pants joke which is super played out hilarious-- WAIT SHANA when did you wake up? Eh, a while ago, but if you're gonna write my history section I won't stop you. I hate writing these things. Are you gonna share your popcorn? ...will you shoot me if I don't? I mean it's always a risk. But I need you alive so it'll be in the knee or something. ...I love sharing with friends!
So blah blah murder murder GUESS WHO WASN'T IN THE VAN. FRANCIS. FUCKING HELL WHAT DOES A GUY HAVE TO DO TO GET HIS FUCKED UP MUG FIXED AND MURDER AN ASSHOLE? Francis turned out to be on the motorcycle with the one guy who had gotten away but he very nicely came back so I could kick his ass. And kick his ass I did! I stabbed him non-fatally and left him pinned to the side of the road so that I could get him to fucking FIX me which… look it was pretty cruel but not as cruel as it could have been, okay? He doesn't feel pain. Unfortunately. Cause I really wanted to make him feel pain. But before I could split his skull open the only two X-men we could afford on our budget (Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead) showed up because they were all noooo don't murder people, this is not how a hero behaves which, hello? Did I ever say I was a hero? Do not take your kids to this movie I am not a good role model. In arguing morals Francis GOT AWAY and when I tried to beat up Colossus I just kinda broke all my appendages. He's made out of METAL it turns out punching him is not a great idea. He handcuffed me to him but then I went all 127 Days and well, it's in the canon point. I fell into a passing garbage truck where I felt right at home and then--
Oh, come on, you don't really expect me to tell you, do you? Come on, spoiler alert! The flashbacks are like half of it you don't expect me to ruin the other half! Go see the movie so I can rake in the cash and get a sequel!
Abilities/Special Powers: Deadpool can heal from pretty much anything and has enhanced strength and reflexes. He also has the power to make babies start crying just by looking at him and talk in yellow boxes and also the third person. PSYCHE IT'S STILL ME. Oh, the yellow boxes gave it away, huh? Damn….
Oh, and let's not forget my other special power. Or some might call it my mental illness since I'm so brain damaged I think I'm in comic book adaption of a movie. Or one might say, a roleplaying game where I'm taken from a comic book adaption of a movie. But that's crazy, right? WINK. Yep, fourth wall breaking. Gotta love it.
Psst it's Shana again I hope Deadpool doesn't notice me adding in this note while I write the third person sample. If you're worried about Deadpool's fourth wall breaking being too weird and game breaky I promise it shall not be used NEARLY as much as it is in this app. My rule is generally he can only break the fourth wall if it won't actually help him in any way possible and I tend to sprinkle it in lightly, since if I do too much it becomes predictable and played out. He also will never do it in such a way that anyone could even start to believe him.
Third-Person Sample: Wade Wilson rolls out of the garbage truck and looks down at the bleeding stump at the end of his wrist. "Well, a one handed bastard wakes up in Wonderland. Someone has a type." A beat. Wade looks up. Everything is so…. bright and colorful and doesn't smell like pee. "Wait. This isn't my apartment. Why am I in freaking Wonderland? Do I look like a little girl in a blue dress or a smiling cat?"
He shakes his head and starts walking towards the mansion since where else can he go? It's not like he's got a whole lot of options. Boring woods, boring beach, boring garden… all pretty boring. At least the big old mansion probably has someone he can stab for answers, right? Or at least a rag he can use to staunch the blood until his hand goes back. "Or maybe I can find out if that Caterpillar guy really has drugs. I'm pretty sure I've already taken them!"
As he walks, he ponders his situation. On the one hand, this is pretty neat. A strange world, one that he can only dream about what role he has to play. Where the width of the adventure he can-- you see where I'm going with this it's a dreamwidth roleplay he's breaking the fourth wall yadda yadda. Anyway, that part is kind of cool, but the fact was, he is in the middle of a very important murder and though he has been pushed back to square one, he really wants to get back to murdering everyone in his path until he can get Francis to fix his face and murder the shit out of him. Plus, this mansion looks way too much like the X-Mansion for his comfort. "Wonder if they can afford more than two X-Men," he mutters to himself as he approaches the large building. "Maybe they'll even get their hands on an Avenger or two! How much cash would that take?"
He shakes his head and puts his hand on the door handle. "Here it goes, Poolboy. Remember: answers first then murder. Other way around never works as well as you want it to." He squares his shoulders and enters the mansion. Deadpool in Wonderland has begun.
First-Person Sample: WHAT? I just did this! Surely they got the voice from the whole history thing, right? [Deadpool shakes his head, passing the laptop off to the young woman sitting on the bed and scrounging around at the last bits of popcorn. She looks up, surprised, but takes the laptop.]
Look, I've put a lot of work into this app thing, and considering I just made a fucking movie I think I'm being pretty goddamn generous with my time. [Deadpool shakes his head, then raises his gun, pointing it at the woman who yelps and skitters back, eyes wide.] So here's the deal: accept this app or Shana gets a bullet in her brain. You know what that means, don't you? No more Dipper, no more Beatrice, no more Princess fucking Bubblegum. I know you guys have some pretty great CR with her. Do you really want to lose that? And the day before the Gravity Falls finale too! [He shakes his head.] Shame, shame.
Well? Clock's ticking! You've got til…. I don't know, 12:10 on Monday morning I guess? Koji usually doesn't hit these things right on the dot. Better get cracking!
[Shana… me? I? Oh my god the fourth wall needs so much duct tape right now. Shana stares at Deadpool in terror. He waves the gun impatiently.] Come on! That third person sample ain't gonna write itself! And make it vaguely conventional, okay? At this rate they're gonna ban you from the communities for good and where would that leave me? In only one game? Third person! Go! Go!
[A beat.]
Why do we call action spam first person? It's clearly just third person with brackets. Weird.